Thursday, December 28, 2006


Latterly things have been odd in my household! Well since the summer really! Mark has been under a heart specialist who we saw again just before Christmas who said he could find nothing wrong (thats good!!). So why does he get so tired and always want to sleep, or watch telly? Motivation is lacking dreadfully unless he is at work, when I think routine is what keeps him going!!
Kathryn has commented since her return from Uni! how 'down' everyone appears! I wondered if Mark misses Kathryn more than he lets on!
He has changed alot, this frightens me, because he was (is) my soul mate! We have always worked as a team, we have had to, because of Tori! I'm not sure anyone Drs, school, occupational therapists, and to some extent family realise what hard work Tori is!!
Kathryn has been unbelieveable with her since she came back, I had forgotten just what a knack she has of getting her to do things which she has dug her heels in with me!! I've just realised, how nowadays, I rarely let Mark deal with Tori, it usually ends up in a blazing row which takes me hours to sort out, so I just get on and do it, sort it or whatever!!
I have been so busy with Christmas I hadn't realised how I felt, Kathryn and I chatter away, laugh away and she asks some very deep questions which start you thinking!!! I miss this so much! Are family always had so much fun, always laughing and joking, it doesn't happen at the moment!!
Then my sister phoned and as usual we chatted and she asked how things where, so I told her............. she said that they (Cal & Jay) had been chatting and to cut a long story short,wondered if Mark had depression!!! They thought it all started back Christmas 2004 when we had Christmas in South Africa with Marks sister and she kicked us out and we had to come home early! To be honest its a longer story than that but it was all to do with their mothers 'Will' and she (Marks sister)thought Mark was trying to 'do' her out of her share!!! Stupid woman, if she knew Mark she would realise that, that thought would never enter his head!!! Anyway prior to be kicked out of her home they (brother & sister) had a blazing row, I have never ever seen Mark so angry, in fact I had to drag him away because I was scared he might 'pop' her one (something definately not in his nature), and she would most certainly have called the police!!!
This affected the girls very badly, they and neither had I, had ever seen Mark in such a state. This is where we believe Toris' deppression problems started on top of everything else! Kathryn and I muddled through because we 'girly chatted' but is my sister right could this have affected Mark more than I thought??? He came home and handed the 'Will' over to a solicitor because we where scared his sister would never believe him even though he was executor!!
So we chatted yesterday and he agreed to go and see the Doctor! He still has to have a few blood tests to finalise the heart report but the wheels are set in motion, the 'Doc' is aware, and more importantly Mark thinks it is a possibility!!
So now, I am beating myself up, how on earth did I miss this, I suffer with bouts of depression. I suppose because he has always been my rock and just being so close, I didn't see it!!
So thank you Cal, and Jay I can assure you he doesn't sleep when your around to avoid you!!he really does enjoy your company!!
Kathryn returns to Uni on Saturday, then is off to Derby with her boyfriend for New Year!! But will be back with us on the 11th Jan, the day before my next Op!!! until about the 26th Jan when the next semester starts!
I think I might go and spend some money today!!! I need to do something.... Crafty!!


mrsnesbitt said...

It sounds a good idea to do something crafty Libby! It will do you a bit of soul - lifting.

I am going out today, with Enid, but I will be thinking of you and will give you a call.
You know where I am chuck, I am thinking of you all.

I am pleased Mark is going to the doctor...

Lots of love,

Allotment Lady said...

Sounds like a bit of counselling could be helpful. Often you can talk to a third party easier than those close to you - especially if you are usually percieved at the 'strong'one or 'brick'. Hard to open up your vulnerble side.

Glad he is off to see the Doctor.

New year - new beginnings.

Can't wait to see what crafty things you got. I have an idea to keep up busy and motivated.

Will be in touch about it